How to let go of the past year and enter the new one without emotional baggage: advice from a psychologist
Kyiv • UNN
Coach-psychologist Mykola Oliynyk explained why people often enter the new year with unresolved emotional problems and unanswered questions. He also gave advice on how to deal with this.
The end of the year is often perceived as a conditional boundary, after which everything should be "reset." But the reality is different: many people enter the new year with the same emotions, pain, and unresolved issues. Mykola Oliynyk, a coach-psychologist, told UNN journalist why this happens and what really helps to let go of the past.
The end of the year does not automatically mean an internal "reboot." The psyche does not focus on dates and festive symbols; instead, emotional experience and whether it was fully lived through are important for it.
For the psyche, the calendar is not a boundary. The year may end formally, but if events have not been emotionally lived through and completed, they remain with us. This particularly applies to losses, disappointments, unfulfilled expectations, or situations where we have not put an internal end to something. The psyche dislikes incompleteness and constantly brings us back to where there is an unresolved story.
To reduce internal tension, there is no need to drastically change your life or set strict requirements for yourself. It is much more effective to give yourself space for an honest summing up, says Mykola Oliynyk.
"The simplest and at the same time most effective thing is a conscious summing up without judgment. Not just 'what I achieved,' but also 'what I experienced.' It is useful to write down answers to yourself: 'what was the most difficult?', 'what did I endure?' and 'what can I respect myself for?', 'and what do I want to leave in the past?'. And the second step, the ritual of completion - a letter (to the year or to yourself) gives the psyche a clear signal that the stage is complete," says the coach-psychologist.
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However, analyzing the year can easily turn into self-criticism, which is exhausting. The difference between these states is felt in what a person feels after such a "summing up."
Healthy summing up brings clarity and peace. Self-criticism, on the other hand, leaves guilt and devaluation. If after the analysis you want to move on, it is a sign of a healthy process. If an inner voice appears saying "I failed again," "I'm not enough," then this is internal pressure, not analysis.
A separate challenge is the feelings of guilt and disappointment that people often carry with them into the new year. However, in such states, it is also important to separate real responsibility from what was beyond our control.
"First, acknowledge that the feelings exist. Guilt and disappointment do not disappear from ignoring. Second, separate responsibility and control. Often we blame ourselves for things that were beyond our capabilities: war, crises, losses, circumstances. A useful practice is to honestly ask yourself: 'What could I really have done in those conditions?'"
And allow yourself to accept: I did the maximum of what was possible then, not perfectly from today's perspective," explains Mykola Oliynyk.
The coach-psychologist advises starting the new year not with the idea of a "new life," but with internal support. Without strict promises, and with permission to be a living person with mistakes, changes, and one's own pace.
The best mood for the new year is flexibility. Not "this year I will do everything right," but "I allow myself to learn, make mistakes, and adjust the course." It is important to start not only with goals, but with internal supports: I am with myself, I have the right to make mistakes, I am not starting from scratch. This state gives clarity, peace, and real energy for change.
The New Year doesn't have to be a fresh start. Sometimes the best thing we can do is continue the journey, acknowledging our experience and allowing ourselves to move forward without undue pressure.