Aggressive behavior among adolescents: psychologist talks about the causes and gives recommendations to parents
Kyiv • UNN
Psychologist Oksana Gomel explained the reasons for aggressive behavior of adolescents, including family, bullying, social networks and hormones. She gave recommendations to parents on supporting and developing emotional intelligence.
Recently, there have been increasing alarming cases of cruel behavior among teenagers in Ukraine, including fights. What exactly is behind the aggressive behavior of teenagers and how should parents react in such situations? explained and gave advice psychologist Oksana Homel in a comment to UNN.
The main reasons for aggressive behavior in adolescents
Homel noted that any manifestation of aggression may be due to an unmet need.
If a person lacks something and does not know how to get it, they often show aggression. Here we come to one of the reasons, which is the inability and lack of knowledge of how to react to such situations,
According to her, the role model for teenagers is the family.
Children take an example from their parents, how they behave in certain situations, from relatives, close people, the environment. But first of all, it is the family. We take the behavior of our parents as a template. Therefore, it is important in what atmosphere the child grew up, how the parents react to certain situations. If it is always humiliation, violence, if the mother or father disrespect each other, it is deposited on the child,
Homel noted that transactional analysis believes that a child takes a life scenario from their parents, or the opposite to theirs, that is, anything, but not like the parents.
For example, if parents beat a child, they will never beat their children. Or vice versa - they will consider it the norm and even if they promised themselves not to do it, when they grow up they start beating, because they do not know how else to react. Therefore, first of all, it is a family issue,
Also, according to her, a teenager can show aggression as a defensive reaction.
Protection from bullying in the family, at school, and this is normal. If a child does not know how to react to bullying, they begin to react aggressively. Sometimes, bullying at school can turn into such a form that no one remembers who started it, who is to blame, and there is simply dislike and the child is bullied,
The psychologist also noted that there is also a factor such as "fitting into the company", the desire to be cool.
That is, if a person important to a teenager behaves like that (aggressively - ed.), if a teenager gets into a company where a certain behavior is considered fashionable, cool and correct, and strength is the main thing, then he may start behaving like that in order to "fit" into the company and environment he wants,
She also noted that social networks have a great influence on children.
"Unfortunately, this problem is relevant, because Russia is now very strongly attacking Ukrainian youth, especially through TikTok, with the introduction of violence and the devaluation of any science. Russians have begun to push the bandit culture of the 90s to teenagers through Russian TV series, and aggression is the norm there.
There are cartoons, films, TV series where there is a lot of violence. Even in "Diesel Show" there is a lot of contempt and we are offered to laugh at violence. Children see this and it becomes the norm for them," - said Homel.
According to her, aggressive behavior can also be due to drug, alcohol and even computer addiction.
"It can also be a way of blackmail. It shows aggression and gets what it wanted, and with impunity, it only grows," she added.
In addition, Homel noted that another reason for aggressive behavior may be the hormonal background of adolescents.
Plus - this is a period of self-discovery. Not only can a teenager doubt himself, he wants to be cool, but he is required to do something that he cannot do,
Aggressive manner of communication with parents
The psychologist explained that hyper-care, constant lecturing, imposing their point of view by parents and unwillingness to hear the opposite opinion can provoke an aggressive reaction in adolescents.
The teenager said once, twice, three times, but he is not heard and he begins to quarrel, because he wants to protect his borders. Therefore, if it works, the teenager will not repeat it calmly five times, but will react aggressively immediately. Because he sees that this is an effective way of communication and it is also protection. When aggression is very often manifested, it often becomes a habit of reacting to most things, especially if it was effective,
Homel also explained what the problem of adolescence is.
He is protestant, he is not always logical. It is often difficult to reach them through logic, especially if they are already in protest against their parents, for example. Therefore, all these attempts to talk objectively, why is this? Why is this so? Can only cause additional aggressive reactions,
The psychologist stressed that protection can be both adequate and not adequate.
But teenagers are constantly defending themselves. It seems to me, this is my personal opinion from practice, that in half of the cases, this behavior (aggressive - ed.) is protection,
Recommendations for parents on overcoming aggression
The psychologist emphasizes that parents need to understand that there are more or less adequate, acceptable manifestations of aggression for adolescence and there are not very adequate manifestations. In general, the process of separation in adolescents can take place with a certain repulsive manifestation.
Parents also need to change their behavior with their children. Parents must realize that doors will be closed in front of them, because teenagers will defend their borders and interests. For most teenagers, the least authoritative people are parents. Therefore, you just need to accept it and give the teenager the opportunity to be heard. You should also consult with psychologists, because sometimes it happens that parents do everything right, but not with the emotional state through which you can reach the child,
According to her, it is important for parents to be able to talk about their experiences, emotions, because if they cannot identify their emotions, give them an outlet, they will not be able to teach this to the child.
Homel emphasized that parents need to develop emotional intelligence.
Suppressing emotions is not an option, emotions need to be experienced. Develop the so-called emotional intelligence, so we remember Sukhomlynsky, who said that by raising children, we raise ourselves and develop together,
Homel notes that earlier parents did not accept teenage rebellion and often took teenagers to psychiatrists immediately, which further destroyed the relationship with the child. Now this has become less common.
Parents really did not want to invest and understand children, not to find out what need is not being met in the child. I remind you that the manifestation of aggression can be due to an unmet need. Now parents have become smarter and take their children to a psychologist. If a child understands that a psychologist is help, not punishment, then the child has a niche where he can discuss topics that worry him, he knows that confidentiality will be maintained. The psychologist can advise parents that, for example, the child is in a bad mood today: support him, or at least do not escalate the situation,
Homel also recommended applying the "10-10-10" method to teenagers. This is a way of thinking about decisions and their consequences, which allows you to assess the prospects of a difficult choice situation, or to realize the consequences of certain actions.
The "10-10-10" method consists in analyzing how a certain act will affect a teenager in 10 minutes, 10 months and 10 years. With teenagers, 10 years can not be considered especially, if these are not serious issues such as drinking, smoking. You can say what it gives, how it will affect him now, in 10 months. Parents need to understand that if there has already been an aggressive outburst that is already at the level of crime or bullying children, then it is important to explain the legal consequences. Parents need to repeat about love constantly, so that the teenager understands that he is loved, wants to be supported, not scolded, but to explain what negative consequences certain actions can have in 10 years, which the teenager does not want to assess,
The psychologist stressed that the teenager must understand that he can turn to his parents for help, to resolve the situation.
Also, according to her, parents should be on the same wavelength regarding upbringing. The mother and father should have the same vision regarding the upbringing process, without playing the good cop and bad cop.
Homel once again emphasized that the environment also affects the behavior of adolescents.
If you notice that a teenager has friends who influence him in a certain way and the child has become more aggressive, more protestant, then it is very difficult to take him out of this company. You will rather quarrel with the child, he will still, albeit secretly, do what he wants. It is better to offer an alternative. Or some kind of sport where there are other teenagers who can offer a different culture of behavior, communication. That is, to expand the circle of communication of the teenager. If you see that the child is aggressive due to temperament, hormones, then it is worth directing this energy in the right direction, for example, to offer to attend sports sections,
Summing up, Homel emphasized that adolescence is an age of a large number of mistakes.
The task of parents is to do everything so that they make fewer mistakes, and most importantly, do not commit irreparable ones. So that the teenager has time to stop and think,
She stressed that it is important not to criticize teenagers, but to talk to them as equals with a sincere desire to hear and understand their position.
You need to talk to children, not criticize, not say: you are stupid, but explain that you are not stupid, but you have little life experience and you do not always turn on the desire to analyze what it may end with. Teenagers themselves admit that they want freedom and do not want responsibility. Therefore, the main recommendation is to talk to them as equals,
