Financial issues in relationships: how to resolve conflicts and support your partner
Kyiv • UNN
Psychologist Kateryna Gordon explained how financial issues affect relationships in a couple. The expert spoke about the main aspects of strong relationships and the role of finance in them.

Sooner or later, financial issues arise in every couple. Different income levels, approaches to spending, or budget allocation can either strengthen the relationship or create tension. What matters is not so much how much each partner earns, but how they negotiate financial issues and support each other.
UNN talked to psychologist Kateryna Gordon about how finances affect relationships.
According to the expert, financial inequality is rarely the main reason for divorce. If the couple has trust, mutual understanding, and respect, the difference in income will not be a decisive factor. However, finances can become a kind of catalyst for other existing problems.
It has to be a set of problems in the relationship. If the relationship is good, in all aspects it is good, and there is an unevenness of finances, then this cannot lead to divorce
According to the psychologist, what can really affect a breakup is not the partner's realization.
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"I would say it's not the financial difference, but the degree of fulfillment. The most common problem in couples, in families, if one person grows, develops, works, has interests, and the other has been searching for himself for many years, and cannot help but find himself. Then it becomes not only about realization. It also means that the partner comes and says: "She doesn't work, she doesn't earn money, and when we dig deeper, it turns out that it's fulfillment. That is, the partner does not like the fact that his wife has been looking for herself for many years," the psychologist said.

Kateryna Gordon also summarized that there are many examples of families where the different social status of the two partners and their different financial situation do not affect the relationship.
That is, if everything is good in other aspects of the relationship, then the financial issue will not be a problem.
As Gordon explained, one of the right steps to solve this problem is to support your partner and their desire for realization.
"You shouldn't say, 'You're bad, you stay at home, you went to some courses, to others, and without results,' but you should support your partner. If one partner is stronger, he or she can guide the person, and then he or she will be very grateful for it," the expert emphasized.
In addition, it is important not to forget about a simple dialog.
People need to communicate. There must be trust in the partner, that they support you. And you have to tell everything as it is. And not hide some information. Because when a person doesn't talk, it creates a lot of problems, and they may feel bad that they don't earn money. They don't tell their partner about it, or they say it in a secretive way. And the partner does not understand what is happening, and therefore it creates more problems. Talk, trust your partner, solve problems together
The psychologist gave a simple example of a married couple who once came to her because they had decided to get a divorce, but before that they decided to consult a specialist.
They came to us with conflicts on all kinds of topics. We started to find out what the problems were. And it turned out that when they started their relationship, the man was earning very well. He gave her gifts, they went on vacation, and everything was fine. Then they started living together. And at some point, he started having financial difficulties, and he didn't tell her because he thought she wouldn't accept this fact. And so, little by little, he had fewer gifts, less time with her. So he was still very worried, he was closing himself off, and she understood it in such a way that he fell out of love with her. And she couldn't talk to him openly about it either. And then it accumulated in her, and she started to get annoyed with everything about him. He said: "Make me breakfast." She said: "What? I won't, I won't cook anything, and what if he doesn't love me?" And so these conflicts got to the point where people decided to divorce, and then, when he said the reason, she said: "Do you love me? Yes, I do. Why didn't you tell me? She said: "I support you, I don't need all this."
Many couples also face the question of how to manage their finances. For some, a separate budget is the norm, and there are couples in which the man provides for the entirety of the expenses, and the woman's money is her money.
However, according to Kateryna Gordon, psychologists are more in favor of the joint budget.
"I believe that family traditions are important here, just like her, just like him. It has a very big impact. And there should be an agreement here too. You need to do what is most comfortable for her and him, maybe part of it is joint, part is separate, so that they feel that they are somewhat independent of each other. It is worth finding compromises, a joint decision and trying," the expert said.

Kateryna Gordon said that the problem is that at the beginning of a relationship, people often idealize their partner. This is a period when everyone tries to look in the best possible light, and after a while the mask comes off and people start showing their true colors. At this point, real problems begin to emerge, including issues of everyday life, finances, intimacy, and trust.
Therefore, she identified the main aspects that can become a stumbling block in a relationship. The first is the attitude to everyday life. For example, when it is important for a man to have his wife cook for him, but she does not like to do it, conflicts arise.
The second important aspect is finances. Often couples have different attitudes towards money: one partner tends to save and accumulate, while the other tends to spend. In such cases, it is important to negotiate and find compromises.
Intimacy and trust are equally important. When there are problems in these areas, couples have to work to restore harmony. However, if only one of these aspects is problematic, the couple can cope with the difficulties and continue to support each other.
And if two of these points are problematic, then you need to work with it. If one item is problematic, for example, everything is fine, the household is great, the intimate life is great, and there is trust, but there are some problems in the financial plan , then people will not break up, but will support each other