Psychologist explained how the concept of five love languages works in relationships
Kyiv • UNN
Psychologist Mykola Oliynyk explained Gary Chapman's concept of "five love languages" as a practical approach to understanding care. He noted that love languages can change and are not a strict scientific law.
Why do partners love each other but still feel unheard? Psychologist-coach Mykola Oliynyk told UNN journalist more about what the "five love languages" actually mean from a psychological point of view and whether this concept works in real life.
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The concept of the five love languages was proposed by Gary Chapman as a practical approach to understanding how people perceive care and intimacy. He identified the following love languages: words of affirmation (approval), quality time, gifts, acts of service (help), and physical touch.
The concept of the five love languages is a practical approach that describes how people perceive love and care differently. It's not about love itself, but about the way it's read: for some, words are important, for others, actions, time, or tactility. In everyday relationships, this model works as a translator and as a tool for awareness and communication.
Often, partners do not feel loved even when both are sincerely trying. As a result, a feeling of distance may appear, although the feelings have not disappeared, the specialist emphasizes.
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Everyone expresses love the way they are used to, not the way their partner needs it. For example, one person demonstrates care through actions and responsibility, while another expects emotional intimacy or words of support. As a result, both try, but seem to "speak different languages." This creates a feeling of loneliness in the couple, although love is actually present.
You can understand your own love language by paying attention to your reactions, the psychologist explains. Most often, the answer is hidden in what hurts us or, conversely, what fills us the most.
The easiest way to determine your love language is to look at your reactions: what offends you most when it's not there, what fills and calms you most, what manifestations of care you remember for years. It's also important to observe your partner, not just take tests. Real needs are always visible in daily behavior, not just in answers to questions.
At the same time, love languages are not constant for life, the psychologist emphasized. They can change under the influence of circumstances, stress, or new roles in relationships.
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Love languages can change depending on stress, parenthood, illness, loss, or stages of relationship development. For example, during a period of exhaustion, a person needs actions and support, not romance.
The psychologist claims that this concept of the five love languages is not a strict scientific law, but it can be a useful tool for a couple.
From a psychological point of view, it is not a strict scientific law, but a useful model. It works well for improving communication, reducing misunderstandings, and realizing expectations in a couple. But it does not work if there is violence, betrayal, or manipulation in the relationship, if partners use love languages as a demand: "love me this way or leave," or if basic values, safety, and respect are ignored. Love languages do not replace maturity, responsibility, and willingness to hear each other.
Love languages are not about how to make your partner love "correctly," but about how to learn to see and understand love in different forms and manifestations, Mykola Oliynyk concluded.