Lending does not mean giving away: a financial guide for the kind-hearted

There were times when I thought lending money was like "borrowing" a bottle of perfume from a friend: she would spray it a few times, say thank you, and return the perfume in the same condition. At most, there would be a few milliliters less. And then I started lending money. 

Spoiler: I didn't get the perfume back. Nor did I get back the $500 loan. And trust disappeared between me and the borrower, and what was once pleasant communication became strained. So, after my naive belief that "friendship is more important than money" shattered against financially illiterate reality, I developed a few mandatory lending rules that can help you save not only your money but also your peace of mind. 

Rule #1: Lend only what you are not afraid to lose

For each of us, this "painless" amount is individual: for some, it's 500 UAH, for others, it's $5,000. To determine "your" number, imagine that you have not been repaid the money. If your life has not started to fall apart without this money, it means you can lend. After all, by losing a certain amount, you will not lose your peace of mind and financial stability. 

Rule #2: Don't take off your "last shirt" 

This rule applies even if the financial favor is requested by the "best person in the world." It's important to understand that adults have priorities in life, and typically, the main ones among them are the safety of yourself and your family. And money is a tool that protects us in the modern world. So don't give your last to others; keep something for yourself. And "lend" only from a deep pocket, and certainly not from the one that's for: medicine, apartment rent, or your child's kindergarten. 

Rule #3: Clear terms

The only thing that can protect us from emotional chaos in relationships after a loan is clear agreements. As they say, discuss the amount, terms, and method of repayment "on the shore." Even if it's your friend, boyfriend, or a friend's boyfriend (that happens too). Write everything down in notes or in a dialogue with the person in one of the messengers. Let the terms not only be spoken but also written down, so that there are no inconveniences in the future. 

After all, a financial loan without clear terms in the format of "I'll pay back when I can" is not help; it's an open subscription to the use of your personal finances.

Rule #4: The word "no" is not a curse word

Most often, we lend not because we can. But because it's awkward to say "no." We are afraid of ruining relationships, appearing greedy, losing love, or the reputation of a "generous soul." 

But guess what? If a person gets offended by a refusal — that's not friendship. That's a credit line built on emotional blackmail.

And your "no" is not about greed, it's about self-love. If you are not valued without a credit line, then these are not friends, but borrowers with a VIP rate on your nerves.

Rule #5: Look at the background, not into the eyes

If the person asking for a loan has a dozen unpaid debts behind them, lives "from paycheck to paycheck" which is always "delayed," and their Instagram is full of cafes and new sneakers, then believe me, your money won't change anything there. You are not their financial plan. You are just another wallet.

Rule #6: It's not shameful to remind 

Silence is a bad strategy. It doesn't return money; it returns insomnia and anxiety. Write, call, talk. You are not rude. You are a person who entrusted their finances to someone else — and you have the right to get what's yours back. 

Rule #7: Without emotions and without offense

Lending money is not a test of kindness. It's a test of whether you can say "stop" where someone else's irresponsibility begins. And financial literacy and the demand for clarity regarding money are the main conditions for survival in a world where "lend for a week" can last for years. 

I am a financier; I am on a first-name basis with numbers, and with money, I am on a formal "You" with a capital letter. That is why, having gone through this whole journey from romanticism to financial realism, I understand that one should not turn a personal budget into a charity fund "everything for everyone, except myself."

Olena Sosiedka