Bob in pivotal life periods: does a change in appearance help overcome a crisis?
Kyiv • UNN
Changing one's image helps women regain control over their lives and symbolically close the past. An expert advises not to avoid emotional pain for complete recovery.
Breaking up is often not only an emotional blow but also a point of internal change. That is why many women drastically change their appearance after a breakup. Psychologist-coach Mykola Oliynyk told UNN journalist more about whether changes in appearance really help to cope with emotional pain and how it works from a psychological point of view.
After a relationship ends, a person loses part of their identity associated with their partner. This creates an internal vacuum that one wants to quickly fill or transform. That is why the body becomes one of the fastest tools for change.
When a relationship breaks down, part of the identity of "who I am next to this man" breaks down. And the body is activated as the fastest tool for change. Changing one's appearance is a way to separate from the past, to step out of a role, to symbolically "close" a stage.
In addition to symbolism, such changes are often associated with the need to regain control over one's life, the psychologist says. After a breakup, many women feel chaos and uncertainty that is difficult to bear, and even a small transformation of appearance gives a sense of influence over their own reality.
After a breakup, a person often feels a loss of control, chaos, and uncertainty. And changing one's appearance gives a quick feeling: "I can change something. I influence my life." This is a return of subjectivity and partly control.
However, such changes do not solve the problem completely, and without working with emotions, the experiences return over time, the psychologist emphasizes.
Changing one's appearance brings relief, improves one's condition, and unleashes new energy. But if a woman does not live through the pain to the end, the emotions return after some time. Therefore, this is a good start, but not a final solution.
The psychologist emphasizes: a breakup is a process that has its stages, and they cannot be avoided. It is important to allow yourself to go through each of them, even if it is unpleasant. The period of emptiness, when it seems that nothing makes sense, is especially difficult.
Classically, a person goes through stages: shock and denial, then strong emotions - pain, anger, resentment, then bargaining and hope, after that decline and emptiness, and only then - acceptance and re-evaluation. The most difficult thing is to endure emptiness and loneliness, not to rush into new relationships and not to devalue oneself.
To get through this period ecologically for oneself, it is important not to avoid feelings and not to try to suppress them. Contact with a former partner also often only prolongs the recovery process. Instead, one should gradually shift the focus back to one's own life.
Do not suppress emotions, live through the pain, and do not run away from it. Break contact - at least temporarily, and preferably forever. Shift the focus back to yourself: body, routine, sports, interests. And do not immediately enter into new relationships - this is almost always a repetition of the scenario.
Ultimately, a breakup can become not only a trauma but also a point of growth. If the right conclusions are drawn, this experience helps to better understand oneself and one's needs. And this can become the real beginning of a new stage of life.