Every child faces difficult moments: it's scary to go to a new school, someone didn't want to be friends, they couldn't win a game. To an adult, these situations may seem trivial, but for a child, they are a real emotional challenge. It is in such moments that emotional resilience is formed - the ability to cope with emotions, resolve conflicts, and experience the acquired experience without getting stuck in anxiety. How to help a child develop emotional resilience - psychologist Kateryna Kononova told UNN in a comment.
As Kononova notes, emotional resilience is a child's ability to cope with emotions (fear, anger, shame), recover from disappointments, adapt to changes, and believe in themselves. An emotionally resilient child is not perfect - they also cry, get angry, and get upset. But they learn to live through it and move on.
What can parents do?
"First of all, a child should have a safe space where they can experience their emotions without judgment or devaluation, learn from mistakes, and find support. The most important thing is not to teach them to "hold on," but to be there when it's difficult. When a child knows that they will be accepted with any emotions, they are not afraid to experience them. Without understanding their own emotions in different situations, a child will not be able to learn to manage them. That is why parents need to be an example for the child. Parents should be able to name their feelings, show how they cope with them, and be a role model for the child to rely on. Show an example: "I'm angry because something unpleasant happened, but I can handle it," Kononova notes.
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According to her, it is important to control your statements, because phrases like: "What have you already made up?"; "Don't you dare be angry with me here"; "You found something to be upset about" can give the child the feeling that certain emotions are forbidden.
When a child is angry and their feelings are suppressed, they may think that anger is bad because they can be punished for it. Thus, the child blocks certain emotions instead of experiencing them. As a result, anxiety, self-aggression, and other negative reactions appear. That is why it is important to help the child name their emotions: "Are you disappointed now?"; "It seems you are scared. I am with you." These are simple words that create a basis for inner stability, help the child learn not to avoid emotions, but to experience them.
She also emphasizes that when a child already understands what they are feeling, it is necessary to help them find their own ways to overcome difficult emotions. Deep breathing, "letting off steam," going to a quiet place to calm down - all this should be practiced together. Explain and show simple self-regulation techniques: "flower-candle" breathing, counting to 10, hugs, a glass of water.
"These skills the child will be able to use even without you. Then the child will know: emotions are okay, and they can be dealt with. It is important to understand that certain calming actions that do not help parents can help children. Therefore, give the child the opportunity to try different self-regulation methods so that they can choose the most effective ones for them. An emotionally resilient child is able to cope with emotions, does not "get stuck" in fear, anger or resentment, knows how to ask for help, interacts with others. Easily adapts to new conditions, changes (kindergarten, school, moving), believes in themselves, even after mistakes, looks for a way out, and does not avoid difficulties, returns to a stable state after a crisis," the psychologist notes.
To develop such skills, stable internal support is necessary. How can it be developed?
First, give a little more freedom - allow them to make mistakes, choose what to wear, or how to solve a problem with a friend. Such small choices develop responsibility and confidence: "I can, I'll manage."
Secondly, don't take away all difficulties - it's hard to watch when your child is sad, but a little difficulty is needed for the child to learn to overcome them. When a child quarrels with a friend or cries from failure - don't rush to solve their problems for them. It's better to calmly be there and ask: "How do you want to solve this? What can we do together?" This builds self-trust and trust in their decisions.
Thirdly, praise for effort, not result - phrases like, "I see how hard you tried," instead of "Well done for trying, you tried hard." This attitude teaches the child not to be afraid of mistakes and develops perseverance.
The best support is to be there. Not perfect. Not always right. But real. When a child knows that they are loved, that they are important, that their emotions have a right to exist - they grow up resilient, confident, and alive.
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