Why do some couples grow closer over the years, while others drift apart? Psychologist-coach Mykola Oliynyk told UNN journalist more about how to improve and strengthen relationships with a partner.
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Trust, according to the expert, begins with simple and repetitive things. It is formed not in moments of loud confessions, but in everyday life.
Trust is not built with loud words. It is built with small things that are repeated every day. The first is predictability, if you promised - do it. If you are late - warn. This is the base
The psychologist pays special attention to daily emotional contact and explains that in a world of constant busyness, it is important for couples to consciously set aside time for each other, because without it, intimacy gradually erodes.
Second - daily contact without phones. 15-20 minutes of live conversation, about anything. Third - physical contact: touch, hugs, massage. Fourth - public and one-on-one support. When a partner knows - you are on their side. Trust is the feeling of "I am safe with you
Speaking about conflicts, Mykola Oliynyk emphasizes: they are inevitable, but the problem is not in the dispute itself, but in how the couple experiences it.
Conflict is normal. It is not the conflict that destroys, but the way it is experienced (reaction). The first rule is not to attack the personality. Not "you always", but "it hurts me when...". (Addressing through I-messages)
Also, according to the psychologist, it is important not to look for someone to blame, but instead to move towards a solution.
Second - a pause. If emotions are overwhelming, it is better to stop than to say too much. Third - look for a solution, not someone to blame. A couple matures when they learn to argue ecologically. A conflict should end with clarity, not distance
Frankness in relationships is another fundamental principle. Silence, according to the psychologist, destroys faster than an unpleasant truth.
If partners are silent, resentment will accumulate. Talking is a chance for correction. Communication is a skill: to talk about your needs, to hear the other, not to run away from difficult topics. Silence destroys faster than truth
Romance also remains no less important, and in long-term relationships it does not disappear on its own, says Mykola Oliynyk, but it is simply no longer supported.
Romance is not flowers once a year, it is attention: planned dates, shared new experiences, compliments, small surprises. And most importantly - to remain interesting to each other. To develop as individuals, because passion fades over time
In conclusion, psychologist Mykola Oliynyk named typical mistakes that can slowly but surely destroy even, it would seem, the strongest unions.
Top 5 mistakes that destroy relationships:
1. Expectations without voicing (they should guess).
2. Criticism instead of dialogue.
3. Devaluing the partner.
4. Constant comparison with others.
5. Living "on autopilot" without investing in relationships.
The expert added that relationships are not only feelings, but also the daily work of two adults.