Manipulations in everyday life often remain unnoticed, but they can affect a person's self-esteem and emotional state. Alina Dyka, a psychologist, sexologist, and perinatal psychologist, told a journalist from UNN more about how to recognize them, why people succumb to them, and how to react correctly.
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In daily communication, people may encounter hidden pressure that is not always easy to recognize. Often, manipulations are masked as ordinary conversations or even jokes, the psychologist says. Therefore, of course, this makes it difficult to identify them and protect one's own boundaries.
The most common manipulations that people do not notice in everyday life: appealing to a sense of guilt: "how could you do this to me?"; devaluation: jokes or comments that undermine self-esteem; distortion of facts (gaslighting): when you are told that you "misunderstood" or "made it up"; imposing responsibility: when someone else's emotions are shifted onto you, and silent punishment, i.e., ignoring as a method of control
At the same time, there are signals that may indicate a person is under the influence of manipulation. They often manifest through the emotional state after a conversation or the behavior of the interlocutor. Such "red flags" are worth noticing as early as possible.
"Red flags" in communication occur when you become anxious, even though there are objectively few reasons; the interlocutor avoids a direct answer but pressures for a decision; ultimatums or "either you, or..." are voiced; constant provocation of guilt or shame; a feeling that you are "lesser," "wrong," or "guilty" after the conversation
The psychologist also explains why people succumb to manipulation. The reasons can be related to both internal attitudes and past experiences, the expert explains. Often, it is a combination of emotional factors and a low level of self-confidence.
Why people succumb to manipulation: a basic need for acceptance and fear of rejection; habitual scenarios from childhood: when love was conditional rather than unconditional; difficulty enduring the tension of conflict; doubts about one's own perception (low self-trust); manipulations often act not on logic, but on emotions
To resist manipulation, it is important to maintain your own boundaries and not succumb to emotional pressure. An effective reaction does not involve aggression but requires clarity and calmness, which helps avoid escalating the conflict, the expert emphasizes.
How to react without losing boundaries: call things by their names - for example: "I feel pressure right now"; respond calmly and briefly, without making excuses; return responsibility: "this is your decision/feeling"; set a boundary: "I am not ready to discuss this in such a tone"; if necessary - end the conversation without escalation
In addition, there are simple techniques that help regain control over the situation and allow for reducing emotional impact and focusing on facts. They can be applied in various types of communication.
Simple techniques to regain control: pause: give yourself a few seconds before responding; "broken record": calmly repeat your position without changes; clarification: "what specifically do you want from me right now?"; focus on facts rather than emotional pressure; internal support: remind yourself "I have the right to refuse"
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